Sunday, October 9, 2011

Surrendering My Selfish Heart

I can't sleep (Yes, it's only 930p, but that usually doesn't interfere with drifting off to dreamland).  Tonight is different.  Tonight I'm battling against what my flesh wants and what God wants.  It's one of those I-want-to-cry-because-I'm-clinging-to-what-my-flesh-wants-and-I'm-fighting-to-hold-onto-it battles.  Have you experienced this lately?  The sometimes painful road to becoming more like Jesus.  There are days when the road is easy.  Today is not one of those days.  Today it hurts.  Today, Jesus is calling me to be selfless, but I'm adamantly fighting to be selfish.

As thoughts run through my head, the Holy Spirit is screaming (yes, screaming because I'm not hearing His whispers today) Phillipians 2:3-4, "Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too."

Uggg.  Even when I feel misunderstood? Yes. Jesus was misunderstood, yet He remained humble....."unto death, even death on the cross."

I need Your help Jesus.  I want more of the Holy Spirit to be evident in my life, but I'm operating from my own strength.  I'm weary.  Begin Your work in me.  Set me free from my selfish heart.