I'm looking at the title of my post and I want to puke.....seriously. I've just spent the last 30 minutes reading through my past posts (and realized it's been almost one year since my last post- oops), specifically the ones about wanting to be pregnant. I'm so very thankful God has answered my prayers and given us Asher- which means "blessed" or "happy". How he has blessed our lives! I love him so much.
I prayed for so long that God would open my womb so we could start our family. I
wanted a family- badly! I wanted to be a mommy- badly! I wanted to change diapers, wipe snotty noses, and run off little sleep- badly! God gave me what I wanted; a baby, a family and it's been awesome. However, Asher, our little family, functioning off little sleep has still left me wanting; to a degree, empty.
Long story short, God has been revealing to me that I have worshipped the idol of family. I've taken a good thing and made it into a god thing and bowed down to it. As I prepare for what God seemingly has planned for us, I continue to find myself bowing to the "what I think our family should look like" idol and walking away for my worship session empty, afraid, angry, worried, and anxious.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me."