Sunday, April 7, 2013

I'm an idol worshipper

I'm looking at the title of my post and I want to puke.....seriously.  I've just spent the last 30 minutes reading through my past posts (and realized it's been almost one year since my last post- oops), specifically the ones about wanting to be pregnant.  I'm so very thankful God has answered my prayers and given us Asher- which means "blessed" or "happy".  How he has blessed our lives!  I love him so much.  

I prayed for so long that God would open my womb so we could start our family.  I
wanted a family- badly!  I wanted to be a mommy- badly!  I wanted to change diapers, wipe snotty noses, and run off little sleep- badly!  God gave me what I wanted; a baby, a family and it's been awesome.  However, Asher, our little family, functioning off little sleep has still left me wanting; to a degree, empty.  

Long story short, God has been revealing to me that I have worshipped the idol of family.  I've taken a good thing and made it into a god thing and bowed down to it.  As I prepare for what God seemingly has planned for us, I continue to find myself bowing to the "what I think our family should look like" idol and walking away for my worship session empty, afraid, angry, worried, and anxious.    

"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me." 
Ps. 51:10