Monday, September 5, 2011

Giving It All

Yesterday I was able to spend some time with Lord, which was much needed as Lee and I were not getting along.  Although, to be honest, I wasn't expecting much out of my time with Jesus.  My heart was not teachable and I was rehearsing in my head what I still wanted to communicate to Lee regarding our morning "discussion."  While I half-heartedly read through my reading plan, this is what the Lord had for me: Luke 21, The Widow's Offering.

While this addresses the issue of giving (financially) something different, something more convicting, something I really needed to hear, was heavily laid on my heart.  Jesus said, "this poor widow has given more than all the rest of them.  For they have given a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has."  Without a doubt, I had given "everything I had" when it came to voicing my thoughts, stating my opinions, defiantly choosing what I would or would not do, and making demands of Lee.  I succeed at walking in the flesh.  Grade: A++

Did I empty myself of grace? No. Love? No. Compassion? No. Forgiveness? No.  I wanted my needs me before I gave anything in return.  Unlike the widow who gave everything, laying her needs aside and trusting that God would provide, I chose selfishness.  I chose me.  Above Lee, but ultimately above God.

Once again, I find myself at the feet of my all-forgiving, totally gracious, never stop loving me Savior, pleading for His help.  Asking for more of the Spirt to be evident in my life.  Fighting for freedom.


1 comment:

  1. Oh I relate completely to this Chelsea! Isn't our Savior so gracious? The number of times He lovingly reminds me and shows me that I am free to choose His way and instead of settling to serve and "rely" on myself. Thanks for being real and sharing.